[SonjaB]

Oh my..... I'm beginning to wonder if I'm gonna make it, the pain today is sooooo bad. I've checked my patch an it seems to be OK, I've taken a 7.5 lortab and it hurts so bad I really really really want to go to ER or urgent care and get a morphine shot but I fear they will look at the meds I've taken this am and say no. Then all I've done is cause more pain from being in the car and more costs.

I have a $7000 deductible and then 20% after that, it's only May and I've spent $3500 already (not taking into account the $40000+ upcoming surgery, flights, apt in Barcelona) so I don't want to go to see the dr or hospital unless I know the outcome and the money will be worth it.

Sorry, I know I'm just being a moany old sod but it helps to get it out. Thank goodness for my hubby. If I had to go through this alone I think I would have done myself in a long time ago.

I think pain is one of the most demoralizing things ever and the worst part is no one can see your pain, you can grimace and moan all you want but all you do is worry those around you and the docs just think youre an addict and putting it on to get more 'stuff'.

6 days till we fly out, I was just thinking I hope I can make it but I don't exactly have a choice I certainly can't keep going like this.