[dorian]

Hi again,
I am back, still wondering what I should do with my life.

I blew my back again the other day really bad which always makes me revisit my getting surgery. Contacted Dr Clavel said I was really close to getting this done. Then started reading about Dr Desai and the ESP disc and find him quite interesting as well.

I have this ongoing battle if I should do the operation at all. Yes I can't play sports that I used to love, yes I have to sleep on the floor , yes I have to walk and swim almost daily to keep things straight, Yes the fusion doctors are saying seeing you in a few years. However, I am not in constant pain like some, but I have to be careful and basically live my life revolving around my back, from the time I wake up to the time I go to sleep it is on my mind and try ot do everything to keep it from going.

When it does go completely like the other day it is pretty bad, barely can walk at first, lumber shift really bad but I would grin through the pain and walked for 2 hours straight which gets me back up to normal straightness, next morning again woke up twisted and in pain so once again walk walk walk.. today feeling better with minor twisting so two days of hell but now kind of back to normal, at least normal for me.

I got this feeling if I do the surgery I could make things a lot worse, I am not in the screaming in pain daily phase, but I know every year things are getting worse, specially with the legs, they are sooooo tight, even stretching every day they get tighter and tigher, my hamstrings are so tight that when i stretch them I have to bite the bullet and hold from screaming out and that isnt even overdoing it.

Anyway I feel seriously lost, not sure what to do, just tired. Thought I vent here, thanks guys