Thanks for asking. I had another MRI week before last to verify levels involved and go back to the doctor on Tuesday to see what he recommends. The pain just never lets up, and I'm taking about 50-60mg of Norco a day, which is more than I'd rather take but not enough to get relief. Last weekend I considered suicide but really, I don't want to die; I just want the pain to end. That was the point at which I admit my body is really broken and can't keep doing what I'm doing. My life has been falling apart since the injury, can't work full time, barely making it part time, going through the motions just to do whatever I can. I'm ready to ask the doctor to take me out of work, but support my family. (deleted) I've read here about the reality that one can't really do a good job when in griniding pain or doped up on drugs, and I just want to do the best thing for my health, mental and physical.
For the past year, especially in the beginning, I believed this would eventually heal, and that I could just push on through, and asked my first doctor to let me stay on the job because they needed me. I did that for so long that when I finally was hopeless and ready to drop, around last November, and asked him to take me out, he said no, that the insurance company wouldn't allow it. I no longer know what is true or whom to trust. I know I'm just a liability to the insurance company and not the star employee I used to be.
Now I have no joy and walk around with the "face of pain" as my daughter calls it. I'm praying constantly, trying to keep hope, and almost always keep ice packs on my neck, such a fashion statement
. If the doctor wants to do a fusion, I'd be willing to do that at this point, although do hope I am a good candidate for ADR. Does anyone have any suggestions for staying graceful through the pain?