[Cynlite]

Thank you to everyone who has participated in my thread and on this Board! I know there are lots of others who don't because of pain, because of searching and because of the feeling of being alone in this struggle. I invite you to join the Board and the Forums anyway! It is the collective effort of the individuals, starting with Harrison, that has created this WHOLE board and it continues to grow and transform because people take the time to share. Sharing your thoughts, your research and your journey helps all of us to learn and pay it forward.

I've been very introspective in my grief. I am witness to people looking to a doctor to give them a magical pill to fix their health. If we take on that thought process, we surrender our power to someone else and we do this sometimes in desperation. I try to stay conscious and not be this way although if I'm perfectly honest, I have done this before. I know that I am the caretaker of my body and in each moment I make choices to support or not to support it's health. When I work with doctors, I am collecting information and making choices. Each doctor has a piece of information I need to help me find my course. They are not Gods and are not perfect so, I have to choose wisely. Sometimes I have asked the wrong doctor the wrong question and then I got information that in the long run hurt my health. I try to be cognizant that a surgeon does surgery so, he or she will recommend surgery. A pain specialist is not a a surgeon so, when I asked my pain specialist if I should have surgery and he said no, that was a bad question on my part and it steered me in the wrong direction for a while because it was what I wanted to hear! I had an OBGYN desperately try to give me a hysterectomy about six years ago. While I liked the doctor, I left her and still have all my parts. It just wasn't necessary but, that is how she made her living. Doctors are people I pay to help me but, in the end, I have to make the decision knowing that other factors besides my well being can come into play like profits and a surgeon wanting a patient on which to practice their craft.

Cheryl, I would say I felt validated by speaking to Dr. Clavel. What I found was a very gifted human being who is also a surgeon and I think a bit of an artist too. He participated in a conversation with me rather than tell me what I should do. He listened and together we plotted a course without making a final decision on my surgery. But, he reassured me that I'm almost there and that gave me some comfort because it's been a long and painful journey. I really want to have the surgery and hopefully, leave some of this pain behind me! Remember my post about how I think that the really great doctors/surgeons are humble human beings and have great support staff? Yes, he's one of them!

I know that MRIs and x-rays can show scary things and I also know that some of the things that look bad don't always generate pain. Our bodies age and that is a fact of life. I'm starting to accept that I'm aging too. I know from experience that after I have surgery, there is no turning back and there are consequences for that action both good and bad. I share this as I contemplate whether to do surgery or leave my lumbar and thoracic spine alone. I am certain that my neck needs to be fixed but, not so certain about the rest of my aging spine. I know that fusion is not the end of the world but, I'm not sure I want to sign up for the consequences just yet. I'm still trying to figure it out.

Dema, thank you for our positivity! I smile when I read your posts. We seem to be running in a parallel course. Hang in there. We will get through this and find our answers soon.

Bwink, I do think the FDA needs to be overhauled and rebuilt. It is supposed to protect us but, I think it holds us back medically and then once something is approved, the millions that were spent to get the approval get passed onto us. That would be fine if the treatment was not already tried in proved in other countries! I could go on and on....it's frustrating.

Karger, I hope Dr. Zeegers is worth the wait! It's now been five weeks that I have been waiting. Having said that, I waited four weeks for Dr. Clavel. There is a long line of people waiting to get opinions from the best. Sometimes we need to prompt them just to make sure we didn't get lost in the shuffle. Randolf, I think that Dr. Pettine is on the short list of really good surgeons so, he too is a busy guy. I hope you have your opinion now.