Too tired to fight anymore

[BRENDAWY]

I have been really depressed lately and have avoided coming here. Im not sure why it was so hard for me to log on today. I see there have been some new success stories here and I am happy for them all. I have been on a roller coaster with my battle for adr. My attorney feels I have a strong case and a jury would surley award me my surgery. All I need is 13,000.00 up front to start. It would be held in Federal court and would take maybe 9 months to go to trial. Thats the cost of one disc with no guarantees. My husbands employer is probably changing insurance companies at the first of the year. I would still have to go through three levels of appeal. By the time I could actually sue it would be too late. Thats if they new company takes me. They red flagged my ap and requested my medical records. The insurance commisioner is talking about holding a special commite hearing to force bcbs to start paying on an individual basis. Thats great news, but probably too late for me to. I just feel like I am banging my head against a wall. How many insurance companies can one person take on. My husband and I have decided to start the process of going to Germany. I will be contacting Mark at Global Patient Network today. I feel guilty for placing this financial burden on my family, but I cannot in good faith have a fusion. I have tried to make myself accept one and I just cant do it. I am only 33 and believe I would live the rest of my life in this misery. My appeal to bcbs will go out this week, though I dont believe it will matter. They dont have a very good track record. Thanks for listening, BrendaWY

[luvmysibe]

Dear Brenda,
Please take comfort in knowing that many of us support you in your struggle. Keep your faith, that the right option for your situation will come to pass, even if it takes some time. While I and my surgeons consider myself an ADR success story, my procurement of an ADR did not come easily. Hopefully, we can encourage and motiviate you to hang in there during your dark days. There is light at the end of the tunnel!

[Harrison]

Brenda, can the community help? Will the insurance commissioner receive any types of communications from this forum -- specific or broad measures of support? Please let us know...I've been there and know how hard it is to make choices, especially after you decided what was right for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Brenda,

More than a few people here can empathise with your understandable depression and that dreadful sense of bone-weariness, even in the parts of your self that don't have bones.

I suggest you decide to refuse to think about this for at least 2 days (or any period of time divisible by 2). Phase 1 is for physical, mental and spiritual recovery; pamper & feel better. Phase 2 is for thinking about and doing anything else except for *this*; just have fun or even go back and reclaim your grip on something important. Feel better, catch up on what you've been missing, prove to youself you're strong again.

That bull will still have horns in a few days. (I suspect that people here will keep him busy until you're ready to grab them again). Just, please, do come back and grab on. So whenever you're refreshed and ready, please come back here and ask for new ideas to fuel your continued march. There are lots of "marching bullfighters" here to help. Sorry ... I'm reallyreallyreally tired, but didn't want to wait to encourage you to renew and then retrench.

Fellow anti-fusion person,
-j

p.s. Does being anti-fusion make us con-fused?

Brenda,

Don't give up hope. Jenni had some great ideas to re-set your attitude. Staying positive and not getting down on your situation will go along way to make you back pain less for now. Find the small things in you daily life that you can do now to take back control. Don't waist you good money on a lawsuit either. If you can come up with that kind of money you are hafe way there for getting up enough to go to Europe. I am sure you will not be a burden on your family if you have to go out of pocket to get fixed. They want their mom, wife, daughter to get better and will deal with what needs to happen to make you better. You need to show them "where there is a will there is a way"

Stay strong,

Pat

Brenda
I complete relate to you. I am 33 also and will not consider a fusion. Prefer to continue to live with the pain until the insurance companies come around. But I'm miserable. I am in the process in trying to see what studies I can possible be a participant in to try and help offset some of the cost. If you would like, I could forward you a list of nationwide facilities that are currently enrolling for the studies. I have been fighting my insurance company, but am not really getting anywhere either. But this website has become very uplifting and giving me hope that perhaps in the somewhat near future I can get back to living a more normal, pain free life. Keep in touch on how things are going for you.