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The Big File All issues not easily categorized in the above forums are here. Comments on general health, diet, "getting comfortable," and more are here.


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  #1  
Old 11-10-2005, 04:28 PM
mmglobal mmglobal is offline
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New scam, mainly aimed at older men

What happens is that when you stop for a red light, a young nude woman comes up and pretends to be washing your windshield.

While she is doing this, another person opens your back door and steals anything in the car.

They are very good at this.

They got me 7 times Friday and 5 times Saturday.

I wasn't able to find them on Sunday.
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  #2  
Old 11-10-2005, 04:32 PM
SenecaGirl SenecaGirl is offline
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Oh, that's a good one! I'll share that with my husband... SG
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L5/S1 replaced with Charite on 1/4/05 -- successful recovery!
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  #3  
Old 11-10-2005, 04:48 PM
go*big*red go*big*red is offline
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OMG, that's funny!! lol
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Juvenile Discogenic Disease
2 level ACDF C5/6, C6/7
Redo on C6/7
PLIF L5/S1 - hdwr removed when C6/7 revision
PLIF L4/5 & Dynesys L3/4 10/10/06. Looking forward to living again.
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  #4  
Old 11-10-2005, 08:30 PM
luvmysibe luvmysibe is offline
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Oh my, the young woman's clothes weren't stolen were they? I had fun passing this one onto some friends.
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  #5  
Old 11-10-2005, 10:27 PM
sahuaro sahuaro is offline
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hmmm...sounds like a Versed-induced fantasy...
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2001 MVA; C5-C6 disk extruded
ongoing physical therapy, exercise and massage
ESI's, oral prednisone, trigger point injections
foraminal and central stenosis C5/C6 and c6/C7
2007 EMG/nerve conduction shows pattern of chronic radiculopathy
January, 2008: Prestige ST Artificial Disk Replacement, C5/6
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  #6  
Old 11-11-2005, 11:06 AM
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lol I needed that laugh!! You finally got me to register as a member (rather than just lurking as I have been doing for many months) just to tell you thanks!
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  #7  
Old 11-11-2005, 03:02 PM
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Sometimes we do need a good laugh...

The Surgeon

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Triumph motorbike when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.

The surgeon was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc, can
I ask you a question?"

The surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorbike.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked,
"So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small wage and you get a lot of dosh, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"

The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic...

"Try doing it with the engine running"
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  #8  
Old 11-14-2005, 10:41 AM
mmglobal mmglobal is offline
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The couple were 85 years old, and had been married for sixty years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched their pennies. Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade.

One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a rare vacation and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven. They reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. A maid could be seen hanging their favorite clothes in the closet. They gasped in astonishment when he said, "Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now."

The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost.

"Why, nothing," Peter replied, "remember, this is your reward in Heaven."

The old man looked out the window and right! there he saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever-built on Earth. "What are the greens fees?", grumbled the old man.

"This is heaven," St. Peter replied. "You can play for free, every day."

Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to exotic deserts, free flowing beverages. "Don't even ask," said St. Peter to the man. "This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy."

The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife. "Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods, and the decaffeinated tea?" He asked.

"That's the best part," St. Peter replied. "You can eat and drink as much as you like of whatever you like, and you will never get fat or sick. This is Heaven!"

The old man pushed, "No gym to work out at?"

"Not unless you want to," was the answer.

"No! testing my sugar or blood pressure or ...

"Never ! again. All you do here is enjoy yourself."

The old man glared at his wife and said, "You and your ****ing bran muffins. We could have been here ten years ago!"
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  #9  
Old 11-14-2005, 10:44 PM
sahuaro sahuaro is offline
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Mrs. Ward receives a phone call. "Hello, Mrs. Ward? This is Dr. Vial from the lab. I'm calling about your husband's lab results but I'm afraid I have some bad news. It seems that another John Ward came into the lab on the same day and now we can't tell which specimen is whose. The results are either very bad or awful."

"What do you mean?" gasps Mrs. Ward.

"Well, one specimen came back positive for Alzheimer's and the other is positive for AIDS."

"Can't you just run the tests again?" Mrs Ward asks.

"Ordinarily we would but these tests are expensive and your insurance will only allow us to do them once."

Mrs. Ward gasps again. "What should we do?"

"Well, your insurance rep suggests that you drop your husband off in the middle of town. If he finds his way back home, don't sleep with him."
__________________
2001 MVA; C5-C6 disk extruded
ongoing physical therapy, exercise and massage
ESI's, oral prednisone, trigger point injections
foraminal and central stenosis C5/C6 and c6/C7
2007 EMG/nerve conduction shows pattern of chronic radiculopathy
January, 2008: Prestige ST Artificial Disk Replacement, C5/6
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  #10  
Old 11-15-2005, 10:33 AM
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Caribbean Surgery

Five Caribbean Surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.

The first, a Cuban surgeon, says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second, a Jamaican surgeon, responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is colour coded."

The third, a Barbadian surgeon, says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth, a Trinidadian surgeon, chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers... those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."

But the fifth, a Guyanese surgeon, shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the *** are interchangeable.
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